This really strange story takes place in a small surf town in Portugal back in 2020.
Ponny, Ludde, Barbs, and I meet in this tiny speck called Ericeira. White houses with red roofs and blue windows form a maze of small, tiled streets. A cool breeze whirling through, pushing you towards the imposing ocean with its reflective foam crowns.
One night the four of us… well to put it plainly we get absolutely wankered. After some bad rap-battles, and armpit fart-noise Acapella (thank you Ponny for inventing that genre), Ludde is desperate to go to a club. Mid-pandemic nothing is open past 10pm but he decides to venture out into the night by himself. About 30 minutes later he returns unsuccessful in his endeavor yet not alone. He picked up this 20-year-old Spanish kid on the empty, dark streets and brought him back to our apartment. AAron would change our lives forever. He walks in with a thick accent, a Justin Bieber haircut, and the attitude of a boy trying to be a Latin lover. The kind of man that is disgusted at the idea of kissing a boy but definitely humps his friends in the locker room. We start playing some drinking games to break the ice but that turns out to be very unnecessary. We’re sat around the table, barely 20 minutes into meeting this guy, casual conversation is flowing, he turns to us and exclaims “I fucked the same girl with my uncle”. Silence. Open mouths. Then the shrill sound of Ponny hysterically laughing. He starts chanting “More! More! More!”. We all take a shot to thank AAron for his presence and give him the stage.
I will try my best to retell the magical story we got to hear that night. I actually can't say I remember much but luckily I filmed everything. So I will be using direct quotes. For your own entertainment please read everything with a strong, sexy Spanish accent.
AAron’s uncle comes to visit him in Barcelona and wants to go out. So like a good nephew, he takes him to a bar to meet his friends. “It was us and like 10 girls.” The uncle whispers:
“Oh man they are so hot but too young.” “Man, you don’t have to worry, nobody is going to know nothing. I don’t have to tell anything to my Dad or anyone!”.
“So I go to this girl that I used to fuck, she had like fucking big tits, like big big tits!” He gestures to show the grandiosity of this young lady’s breasts. Then he imitates the girl's voice:
“Ohhhhh Aaron, this is your uncle? He is so hot” “Yeah that’s my uncle”. The uncle chimes in “Ah she’s so hot, can we try the three of us?” “Yeah sure man!”
“I tell the girl we have to go to the Netflix bedroom.”
Confused looks on our faces, so he explains: “We have this room above the bar, we call it the Netflix bedroom, it’s where I go with my friends to fuck all the girls.” Ah, obviously. Might I add at this point Ponny can barely contain his laughter under his breath. The urge to howl is great but the fear of AAron not continuing the story is greater. And so he quietly chokes on his giggles.
“So we’re up in the room with my uncle next to me and I look at him and think ‘Fuck man, this is my fucking uncle’. But then I call the girl and tell her ‘You have to come and take off all your clothes and you have to make a dance for us.’”
AAron stands up to imitate the girl’s moves.
“My uncle takes of his pants and she starts dancing on him and I go ‘Yeah!!’”.
He gets up again and gives his imaginary uncle in the room a very enthusiastic double thumbs up. “And my uncle goes like ‘Yeah!’” He is now giving a thumbs up from his uncle’s perspective “And I go like ‘Yeah!!’ And he goes like ‘Three?” And I go like ‘Yeah!’ And I take off my pants”
This stranger in our living room is now fully acting out how he is swinging his dick around that night, humping the air. Ludde decides to take the piss. He stands up excitedly chanting. The more AAron is getting into the story physically, the more Ludde is egging him on: ‘Yeah! And then? Nice!’. The Spanish stud gets more and more animated, we’re talking all kinds of sound effects. “And I was doing her like this! And my uncle was there and we were looking at each other.” Ludde is jumping with his fist in the air and Ponny is high-fiving AAron on every air thrust he delivers until it seems like the story reaches its climax. Still nodding and smiling at his invisible uncle that he is Eiffeltowering this girl with.
“And that was one of the best nights of my life!”.
I have tears in my eyes at this point. AAron triumphantly holds up his beer and we all cheers him. He has the biggest smile on his face and is beaming with glory. I guess sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between laughing with someone and at someone.
He tells us some more weird stories and tries to show us videos of him and girls on his phone. It was getting later and later and he made no signs to leave. Turns out that man really thought that gloating about his sexcapades would land him his next threesome that night. The boys told him we were all going to bed and politely asked him to leave. The three of us didn’t say much after he was gone. A little bit of light had left all of our eyes, our minds forever tainted by the imagery and sounds. AAron remains in our lives through impressions and quotes that still make us laugh three years later.
We love you AAron.